How to Make Personal Development Personal Again
About 4 years ago I went deep into personal development.
Reading all the books. (fiction or fun no way)
Listening to podcasts non stop (who listens to music anyway?)
Giving all my spare time to bettering myself for accolades (relationships, health etc. no need)
And admittedly it continued until I had a wakeup call recently and I took a moment to just think.
What am I trying to prove with reading only non-fiction?
Am I actually learning anything from the non-stop podcasts or are they going in one ear and out the other?
Is spending every waking moment on growth what I want to look back at when I am 80?
So I stopped.
Unfollowed a bunch of accounts.
Unsubscribed from podcasts.
Started reading for fun only.
And then I just rested to figure out the question “where do I actually want to grow?” or “what do I actually want?”
This pause over winter break and the start of the new year led me to my word of the year, revival. Which means “an improvement in the condition or the strength of something.”
Because admittedly I’ve been living for others' praise, appreciation, mentorship, compliance for too long. I am committing this year to the cause of figuring it out.
And you might be in the same place. Wanting to grow but not even knowing where to begin. And we get it - we live in a world inundated with “the next big thing” “your success starts here” “that magic pill you’ve been looking for.”
Now, I am not against personal growth, but what I AM against is toxic personal growth. I am against doing something just because everyone else is.
If you didn’t know, personal growth is UNIQUE to you. Hence the word “personal” 😉. Here is what I mean.
Let’s go to a quick lesson from Mrs. Nerswick on bell curves.
An example Bell Curve
Now, you’ve probably seen a bell curve in science class or in grad school right? It is a graph that shows the distribution of a variable symmetrical probability in statistics. You’ve probably seen it used to describe human height, test scores, or even head circumference in babies.
Ok, let’s break it down. This means that based on a variable – for this example, let’s say a personal development strategy like listening to ONLY personal development, meaning no music/audiobooks etc. – the probability of this strategy working is a bell curve.
It will work extremely well for about 3% of people who try.
It will work for 47% of people who try.
It won’t work well for 47% of people who try.
It will utterly and completely fail for 3% of people who try.
If you missed that, statistically speaking personal development strategies will only work moderately well for HALF of the people who try them.
This is why there is NO SUCH THING AS BLANKET ADVICE!
Think about it…
Does a doctor prescribe a Z pack to everyone with a stuffy nose? No, they need to make sure their patient actually has a bacterial infection and they aren’t allergic to any of the ingredients.
Does a teacher just teach the same exact lesson to every single class, every single year? No, they analyze who is in their class, the strengths, the areas for improvement, their level of knowledge in the subject and even modify the lesson in the middle of it to fit their students.
Does a therapist give the same advice to every patient? No, they listen, they ask questions, they get to know that person deeply before giving advice to help them through their journey.
Does every street have the same speed limit? No, the transportation authority researches every road, the twists, the turns, the blind spots and assigns an appropriate speed limit to that particular part of a street.
YOU ARE UNIQUE.
Your business is PERSONAL.
Your goals are PERSONAL.
Your schedule is PERSONAL.
Your priorities are PERSONAL.
Your work is PERSONAL.
So therefore, your personal development should be PERSONAL!
Success doesn’t come from following a certain formula. Success comes when you thoughtfully consider your life and your goals before subscribing to what others say is the solution and then iterating and modifying often to align with your life flows.
3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Making Your Next Personal Development Move
So, before you join that membership, enroll in that course, read the book, apply for that event, or register for that conference take a moment to ponder these questions. Because you need to know what you want, what you need before you can be successful in your growth journey.
1️⃣ What are you trying to improve? Specificity is key!
It’s time to get specific. Saying “I want to improve my business” or “I want to be a better mom” or “I want to get stronger” isn’t going to cut it here.
To make sure you are finding the right strategies you must be specific with what you are trying to improve. Maybe it sounds something like:
“I want to increase revenue in my business by 10% this year.”
“I want to spend more time playing with my kids after school.”
“I want to be able to do a pull up this year.”
Specificity will allow you to start searching for strategies that specifically address that area of your life.
2️⃣ How would you define success in that specific area?
I was in a recent training that taught us about categorizing good, better, and best goals and I kinda love that. It’s not pass or fail – there is flexibility in your goals,just like life!
Let’s take “I want to be able to do a pull up this year” for example.
Your BEST goal would be “Be able to do 5 unassisted pull ups by Christmas 2024”. Your BETTER goal would be “Be able to do 1 unassisted pull up by Christmas 2024” and your GOOD goal would be “Be able to do 1 strength band assisted pull up by Christmas 2024.
Start thinking through your specific goal how you can categorize it into good, better and best results.
And the best part here is to remember that we get to edit and iterate once we get more data on our progress. Say you are progressing really easily toward your goal, go ahead and tweak it!
3️⃣ How will this align with your current life situation?
This is the step I believe a lot of people miss. Your life situation is unique.
Maybe you have children, maybe you are the caregiver for your parents/grandparents, maybe you are the sole breadwinner in your family, maybe you need to work two jobs to make ends meet.
All of that is personal to you and makes working toward your goals unique.
Blanket Personal Development strategies set people up for failure, disappointment and end up misleading many people.
Once you know your specific goal and your definition of success, see how you can fit that into your current (key word current) life situation.
Does that mean spending 10 minutes a day on this? Great!
Does that mean getting a babysitter for 2 hours every other Thursday? Great!
Does that mean working on your goal at 10 p.m. after your kids go to bed? Great!
Does that mean taking a PTO day to work on your goal? Great!
To set yourself up for success, you must set up your goal to fit into your current life situation.
REMINDER: your life ebbs and flows.
Life mimics that of Earth’s seasons. Some seasons are full, vibrant like Spring and Summer. Some seasons are set up to let go of unneeded things like Fall. And some seasons are a time of dormancy and rest, like Winter.
It is important as your life seasons change (which might be week by week or even day by day!) to change your strategies. Because progress is progress. Even if that means taking a much needed step back sometimes.
This is the part of the blog post that I am hoping you feel validated and inspired to take some action on what you learned (I wouldn’t be a good teacher if that wasn’t the goal right?!). So, here is your action step!
(And remember: this is something you can decide to take or not because this isn’t toxic personal development – either way I am cheering for you!)
Take a pause the next time you hear blanket advice and go through steps 1-3 before accepting this new strategy into your life. And if you aren’t sure how to mitigate that and want to talk through it, hit reply and we can chat through your thoughts.
Here’s to making your personal development PERSONAL again. 🥳