How to Combat Shame and Give Yourself Grace and Space in Entrepreneurship
I felt more shame in 2023 than in my entire life.
And it was all in my business life.
TBH my marriage, my parenting, and relationships had blossomed in that time. And yet I felt deep shame when I sat down to work.
It took me a while to name that emotion (I’ll be honest I haven’t read Brene Brown’s book on this and that’s probably why it took me a long time to realize.)
I felt guilty for coming up short on my goals.
I felt guilty for not being a part of the 5 am club.
I felt guilty that I listened to music instead of listening to personal growth podcasts.
I felt guilty for watching tv with my husband instead of working in my downtime.
I felt guilty for reading romance and fantasy books that I loved instead of reading business books.
I felt guilty for wearing athleisure instead of a girl boss outfit everyday.
Shame is a feeling of guilt, shortcomings, humiliation and regret.
And I was feeling guilty every day.
Being an entrepreneur is a noble profession usually fueled by passion and a desire to serve others. And yet in my years of being around entrepreneurs, I’ve heard plenty feel the same emotions as I was.
Not enoughness
Fear of failure
Analysis Paralysis
Decision Fatigue
I read an article that said a lot of times entrepreneurs related their personal worth with business success and OOF that hit me right in the gut.
And let alone with social media we are inundated with personal development gurus, toxic business coaches, and influencers who perpetuate that shame.
I just saw a fellow entrepreneur who said she was told to never say the words “I’m tired” and IDK about you but that sounds like gaslighting to me.
You have a newborn, you’re tired.
You are solo parenting, you’re tired.
You have a deadline to meet, you’re tired.
You are feeling lonely, you’re tired.
It’s ok to be tired. Why does one person's solution have to be everyone’s solution?
If you’ve been around here for a while you know we preach that you are unique, which means, you and only you, get to decide what advice you will subscribe to.
So how do we get out of this perpetual cycle of entrepreneurial shame?
Let me start by saying I AM NOT AN EXPERT or even a therapist. I am not going to say that this is the advice you need. Only you know what you need.
This article from LinkedIn goes into much more depth about this topic. Something that really stuck out to me was its advice for “grace” and “space.”
So we are going to focus our action items to ways you can give yourself grace as an entrepreneur and space to grow.
WAYS TO GIVE YOURSELF GRACE AS AN ENTREPRENEUR
1️⃣ Time to figure it out
We don’t have it all figured out. It takes time to figure new things out.
And to be honest, once you have something figured out, it is time to learn something new. Amiright?!
So give yourself grace to know that some things in business will come easier and some will be harder. Some things will come quickly and some things much slower.
In a world that thinks everyone needs to scale, to book out their services, to hire a team, to delegate all tasks–sometimes taking a step back to figure out what is ACTUALLY going to help you might be your next best step.
Check out more in this topic Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast and Fast (can be) Deadly.
2️⃣ Be a scientist
A personality that I have found helpful to put on as an entrepreneur is that of a scientist. This quote from Adam Grant sums it up pretty well “Scientists routinely work through waves of uncertainty to develop knowledge throughout an investigation."
A scientist gathers data, to make informed adjustments and then they try again. And they keep rethinking until they get it right. And then they try again!
As an entrepreneur you are a scientist.
You try new marketing plans
You test out a new lead magnet
You write A/B email subjects
You try new offerings
You test, and test and test again!
It might be time to think of these tasks we do as entrepreneurs as experiments that have no pass and fail, it is just to learn more. The grace to know that what you are trying out is a learning experience.
I recently did a training thinking like a scientist on this for a group of business owners. If you would like to have me speak to your group send us an email at hello@greenandgrowingconsulting.com
WAYS TO GIVE YOURSELF SPACE AS AN ENTREPRENEUR
1️⃣ Turn off the noise
You might have read about it here but I am currently on an extended break from personal development content. I spent so much time over the past few years gorging myself on PD books, podcasts, courses etc. And I got to the point that I wasn’t actually taking it in and was feeling that shame creep up again. So I decided to turn off the noise and give myself the same to grow on my own for a bit. Many times the most successful entrepreneurs are ones to intentionally turn off the noise.
While I am still learning professionally in my writing membership (join the waitlist) and currently studying visual design with the Non-Designers Design Book.
If you are feeling shame creep up, take a moment to figure out what stimulus is causing that. Is it a certain person on Instagram, a podcast you listen to? It might be helpful to take a break to turn off that noise to listen to yourself.
3️⃣ Lean into personal pursuits
Repeat after me, “I am not a robot.” I personally feel like social media perpetuates the GRIND and HUSTLE culture a little too much. Pushing the narrative for burning the midnight oil, being a part of the 4 a.m. club or choosing to neglect personal pursuits to focus on climbing the economic ladder of success.
If you are not here for that definition of success, I invite you to step into your personal pursuits era.
This might be starting a hobby (or picking one up you thought was a “waste of time”)
This might be volunteering for a cause you care deeply about
This might be committing to “Treat Tuesday” to give yourself a little treat on the most hated day of the week
This might be starting a weekly date night with your significant other
This might be starting your work day at 10 a.m.
Whatever it is, know that pursuing something that grows you as a person – not necessarily to grow your business – is still a productive use of time. While some believe that you should make your work your passion, research shows that engaging in personal pursuits outside of work can reduce stress, increase energy, and increase levels of creativity.
Personal pursuits are productive! It might be time to lean into you this season.
I hope that overall you realize that your business is personal. Regardless of what the world says is “success” you get to determine that for yourself. You also can start to remember to give yourself grace and space when the pressures of the world get loud.
